Friendship is truly one of the greatest gifts in life. The Bible says:
Friendship, one of the oldest parts of our culture and our humanity, is a very powerful meaningful relationship, that binds people together into a strong emotional bond. A lot of friendly people form bonds with their closest friends early in life, be it in high school, grade school, or pre-school. My oldest friendship is over four decades long and started when I entered high school. This underscores one of the most important core facts about friendship: real friends stick around and have a powerful impact on your life.
David and Jonathan
Of all the friendships in the Bible, that of David and Jonathan stands out the most to me. 1 Samuel 18 describes their friendship: “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
While this is the essence of friendship, to love another as you love yourself, three other elements—displayed love, loyalty, and emotional openness – are essential traits that psychologists deem necessary for friendships to thrive.
Jonathan sacrificed for David, stripping himself of the items which represented his power and position, and giving them to him. Jonathan was also unwaveringly loyal to David, warning him of King Saul, his own father’s treachery and desire to kill him. The two friends also shared a close emotional bond as well, and were unafraid of sharing their feelings: Jonathan wept when it became clear to him that David had to leave.
As the COVID-19 pandemic drags on for many of us, making and maintaining friendships has become even more important. Even if you’re quarantining or in isolation for a recent infection, it’s important that you find ways of reaching out to others, strengthening your sense of connection, and alleviating loneliness and isolation.
What are the benefits of friendships?
Quality counts more than quantity but I have heard that it is difficult to nourish and maintain more than ten friends at a time. While it’s good to cultivate a diverse network of friends and acquaintances, you also want to nurture a few truly close friends who will be there for you through thick and thin.
The most important quality in a friendship is the way the relationship makes you feel—not how it looks on paper, how alike you seem on the surface, or what others think. Ask yourself:
The bottom line: if the friendship feels good, it is good, but if a person tries to control you, criticizes you, abuses your generosity, or brings unwanted drama or negative influences into your life, it’s time to re-evaluate the friendship. A good friend does not require you to compromise your values, always agree with them, or disregard your own needs.
Developing and maintaining good friendships takes effort. The enjoyment and comfort friendship can provide, however, makes the investment worthwhile. However, many adults (including me) find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. Friendships may take a back seat to other priorities, such as work or caring for children or aging parents. You and your friends may have grown apart due to changes in your lifestyles or interests. Or maybe you’ve moved to a new community and haven’t yet found a way to meet people.
How can I nurture my friendships?
Making a new friend is just the beginning of teh journey. Cultivating friendships takes time so you need to nurture that new connection. To do this consider the following useful steps:
Be the friend that you would like to have. Use the golden rule and treat your friend just as you want them to treat you. Be reliable, thoughtful, trustworthy, and willing to share yourself and your time.
Be a good listener. Be prepared to listen to and support friends just as you want them to listen to and support you.
Give your friend space. Don’t be too clingy, or needy, or try to monopolize your friend. Everyone needs space to be alone or spend time with other people as well.
Don’t set too many rules and expectations. Instead, allow your friendship to evolve naturally. You are unique individuals so your friendship probably won’t develop exactly as you expect.
Be forgiving. No one is perfect and every friend will make mistakes. No friendship develops smoothly so when there’s a bump in the road, try to find a way to overcome the problem and move on. It will often deepen the bond between you.
The Promise of the GPS
One of the biggest technological improvements in my lifetime is the Global positioning System (GPS). It has a been a long time since I printed out paper maps and turn-by-turn directions to get me places. Now, all I have to do is to plug in the address in either my handheld GPS or the one in my car and do what it says. I do not have to worry because my GPS knows the way.
The GPS is a United States-owned navigation system that offers land, sea, and airborne users positioning, navigation, and timing (PNT) services to determine their exact location, velocity, and time 24 hours a day, in all weather conditions, anywhere in the world.[1] The system comprises three segments:
The GPS knows which way is most efficient and lays out the best route, anticipating traffic and other roadblocks to help me get to my destination quickly and safely. This is especially true if it is somewhere I never visited. My GPS sees the big picture, and even if I make a mistake and miss a turn, it redirects me, with that well-known advisory “re-calculating”, and sets me on a new course.
The Holy Spirit is Our GPS
Just like the faith I put in my GPS, I need to choose God’s guidance and to trust His directions. God sees the big picture of our plans and gives guidance. He knows best, even when I think there’s a better way, or try to figure out my own way in life. Since I can’t always anticipate life’s roadblocks, I end up taking a detour, but God knows everything, and my journey is always smoother when I rely on His guidance. When I do mess up and take a wrong turn, He is faithful to redirect me with the assurance found in Isaiah, “Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21, NIV).
Like the GPS, the Holy Spirit does not require the user to transmit any data to prepare a new route for me, and to lead the way on the journey to heaven. Prayer, Bible study, and witnessing will help us see which route to take, but the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth. Jesus asks us to listen to His voice because He still speaks. He still guides. He still protects. However, we must quiet ourselves and listen carefully so He can get us where we need to go. Only when we are still can we hear the directions He gives. He is truly the Great Navigator. May we learn to rely on the Holy Spirit the same way we rely on our GPS.
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Positioning_System
As the two-plus year pandemic wanes, many are wondering about getting back to normal. We look back on the past, what we once had or did with nostalgia and imagine it better than it actually was. So, we once again start to yearn for exotic places, long-haul flights, and place names that evoke romance and adventure. Others yearn to welcome back the familiarity of protests, riots, and poverty marches that give their lives a sense of purpose.
The newly freed Israelites also faced this longing for the familiar as they gathered around Mount Sinai, waiting for their beloved leader Moses to descend. Although the Lord had been revealing to Moses how Israel should worship, the Bible records a shameful story of worship gone amuck. As Moses was on Mt. Sinai for an extended time, the Israelites asked Aaron to “make gods” to lead them. Aaron complied with this request, gathering gold from the people and moulding a calf-like image, mounting it on an altar so the people could offer sacrifices and celebrate feasting, drinking, and “pagan revelry” (Exodus 32:1-6).
In violating the second commandment, the Israelites were re-shaping their relationship with God in light of that which was familiar to them, namely, idolatry and revelry. They wanted to worship the LORD through means of a visual symbol that might well have been used for worship in Egypt or other pagan nations in the Ancient Near East. This is why Aaron could describe their pagan celebration as “a festival to the LORD” (Exodus 32:5).
As I begin to reflect upon this sad story in Exodus 32, I find it easy to turn up my nose at the Israelites, thinking of them as idolatrous and even foolish. But then I think of how we often do the same thing in our walk of faith. The old life we left and its temptations lure us and invite us back and sometimes we succumb. We forget that the lure of the familiar is powerful, a deadly thief, robbing us of our new life in Christ of its grace, joy, and victory.
God’s people must not fall prey to the same thing. the same thing. Paul asks in Galatians 4:9, “But now after you have known God, or rather are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?” Our answer must be that we won’t do that. We won’t go back and mix idolatry with the worship of the true God like Israel of old did. We must not go back to old religious views that say we can earn our salvation based on the righteous works that we do. Why, because “all our righteousness is like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).”
Very soon life as we know will become very unfamiliar for good. There will be strife, pestilences, persecution and a time of trouble such as never has been since there was a nation till that time” (Daniel 12:1). Nothing will be as we remember it to be. Are you ready for this time? As trouble approaches let’s get ready because it’s but a prelude to the future joy in heaven that is beyond our wildest imagination.
Growing up, I frequently experienced corporal punishment. It was fairly common for parents to establish their power and authority over what they called ‘disobedient or insolent children’ with whippings to the butt, hands, or feet. I also had the misfortune of getting double doses as I was also whipped by my school teachers. I want to say at the outset that my goal is not to discuss either the legality or rightness of spanking children though I confess that many times it felt like an unjust exhibition of ego.
Permit me to draw your attention to the subject of this blog: a familiar Bible story where someone also used the whip but in a very different way. Jesus and His disciples were on their way to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover. Travelling by foot, they go to the city on Monday and headed straight for the temple. As they navigated the streets in Jerusalem, they passed thousands of worshippers from Palestine and other distant lands who had gathered for this important feast.
Unlike previous visits, Jesus saw a very disturbing sight upon entering the temple. Merchants and moneychangers were exchanging foreign currency and selling animal sacrifices to worshippers (pigeons, doves, sheep, goats, and oxen), overcharging them for the two essential things that were needed to participate in worship: temple coins and an animal to sacrifice.
Jesus’ heart ached at the lack of pity and compassion of the priests who claimed to be guardians of the poor, the blind and the lame but who rendered no assistance to get them humblest of offerings to offer to the Lord. He hated the noise and commotion in the temple court that made it impossible for the worshippers to pray. He was angry at the moneychangers’ greed and desecration of his house that he took some cords and wove them together into a whip.
Then he began to knock over the tables of the moneychangers, spilling coins on the ground. No one dared stop him as he declared “My house shall be called a house of prayer but you have made it a den of robbers” (Matthew 21:13, ESV). All at once, sheep, oxen, brokers, and cattle rushed from the temple to escape Jesus’ condemnation. The regular people were impressed by Jesus who once again brought peace out of commotion but the priests and rulers began to plot to destroy him.
What lessons can we learn from this story of Jesus cleansing the temple? I have a few important ones that I would like to share with you.
Do you ever use others in order to advance your own purposes? Do you speak up when you see someone acting unjustly? Where is your whip when you see someone taking advantage of another in the workplace, at school, and even at church? Jesus took a stand and spoke up in no uncertain terms. Perhaps, we should get a whip and do the same.
God gave us the emotion of anger and he expects us to use it without sinning. Jesus was angry because people in authority were merchandising his grace and perverting the use of His Father’s house of worship but he did not sin. Does child abuse make you angry? What emotions are awakened when you hear about domestic violence, human trafficking, racism, and discrimination? Your anger can be a catalyst for getting involved in these causes that would otherwise be ignored. So, if anger is nowhere on your radar, you might want to ask yourself why not.
Soon after Jesus dealt with opportunists, he became a magnet for the disadvantaged. The Bible tells us that the blind and the lame came to him, and children acknowledged him and praised him with “Hosanna to the son of David” (Matthew 21:14, ESV). It may be that when we take a courageous stand for the right that someone will recognize and appreciate us for doing that. The world is full of downtrodden people who are looking for someone to stand up for them. Get your proverbial whip and make a difference.
Jesus clearly stated the purpose for coming to his house – prayer. Wherever God manifests His presence, the place is holy as when God descended upon Mt. Sinai and consecrated it by his presence. When we enter his house, God expects us to commune with him in prayer and to not let our actions prevent others from doing the same. There must be no merchandising – buying and selling – of stuff, including religious stuff because it defiles his house.
The Apostle Paul also reminds us that our body is the temple for the indwelling Christ, and a witness to the world. We must, therefore ensure that we put nothing in it that defiles. “If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy which temple you are” (1 Corinthians 3:17, NKJV).
Jesus’ cleansing of the temple is emblematic of the cleansing work he wants to do in our hearts. However, this work is not done with a whip. Christ stands at the door of our hearts and knocks, and if we choose to open the door, he will come in and dine with us. I did, and I encourage you to open your heart to him today. Will you?
“Dear Mr. X or Dear Ms. Y: Thank you for your proposal, but we are unable to consider it at this time.”
I am sure that many of you heard ‘no’ at some time in your life. When you are a businessperson and sales attendant, you hear that word a lot. A rejection letter to a job or university applicant is also a ‘no’. Hearing ‘no’ raises two important questions: How do you deal with ‘no’ and how do you turn ‘no’ into ‘yes’.
From my personal experience, there are many ways of dealing with rejection. One option is to curl up, sulk and be miserable, thinking about how bad are the world and people. This often leads to massive discouragement and a sense of being beaten down. A second and perhaps more healthy option is to accept it focus on how to turn it into a positive. The issue is how to do this.
In this blog, I want to share with you a few steps to take if you want to change ‘no’ into ‘yes’, if you so choose.
Recently, I was able to get my credit card company to adjust their interest rate policy on purchases made after securing a balance transfer. Credit card companies usually charge interest in a manner that is advantageous to the companies. I had done a balanced transfer at a 0% interest rate for 10 months with a card company. Subsequently, I made a purchase on the card that I knew would attract interest at the regular rate of about 22%. I enquired how I could pay off the latter purchase without incurring interest payments over the remainder of the balance transfer period. The advice I received was to pay twice the amount of the second purchase because the company applied bill payments on a 50:50 basis. When I realized the distribution applied was more like 90:10, I called the company. After some back and forth and my pressing the issue, they relented and ‘no’ was turned to ‘yes’. They decided to apply the 0% interest rate to the entire purchase to keep me as a client. At times, it is beneficial to do that temperature check. It works.
In addition, it is also useful to assess why you got the ‘no’. Did it stem from?
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).
I am sure you have heard the term” have a cutting edge” or “be at the cutting edge”. It refers to the “most modern stage of development in a particular type of work or activity” or “the most recent stage in the development of something” that usually gives an advantage.[1] So, you often hear of companies at the cutting edge of communication technology or scientific evidence; or organizations wanting employees with skills that put the company at the cutting edge of product design or innovation.
Yesterday, as I was chatting with a friend who I admire in many ways, I was reminded of this term when she shared that she feared she has lost her spiritual cutting edge. She used to care about ministry and being involved in ministry but feels as if she has lost her effectiveness and enthusiasm for doing the Lord’s work. As this can happen to any one of us, I want to share some of my thoughts on recovering your spiritual cutting edge from 2 Kings 6:1-7.
The “sons of the prophets” (today, we might refer to them as a class of theology students) were studying under the Prophet Elisha. Many young men had joined the seminary but soon they ran out of space to accommodate everyone. So, they came up with an idea to build a new dormitory. With Elisha, the trainer’s permission, and his encouraging and inspiring presence, they went down to the Jordan river to start cutting down trees, to build their new accommodations.
Like many students, the one in this passage, did not have all the resources he needed and resorted to borrowing to fulfil his lack. He borrowed an axe so he could do his part and help with the building project. Pretty soon a problem arose. One day, while cutting down a tree, his axe head flew off the handle, landed in the Jordan river and sank to the bottom. In one mighty swing, he lost his cutting edge, and the power tool that made him effective.
Ever felt like this, spiritually? I have, at least a few times, but the question is, “What should you do when you think you’ve lost your spiritual cutting edge?”
Here are a few suggestions for recovering your spiritual cutting edge:
Have you lost your spiritual edge? Take action today, and experience the miracle God as for you.
[1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/cutting-edge
Lies! White ones! Black ones! Big ones! Little ones! Regular ones! Occasional ones! Bold-faced ones! Sneaky ones! Verbal ones and Non-verbal ones
In Exodus 20:16, the Bible says, “You must not bear false against your neighbour”. That means we must not lie or judge falsely. Some feel this is only about giving testimony in court, but if God meant that, He would have added the words “in court”.
I believe the command against false testimony is a moral prescription for holy people to bear true witness to their God and before their God at all times. Therefore, offenses against the truth expressed by word or deed and a refusal to commit oneself to moral uprightness, constitute infidelities to God and, undermine the foundations of our covenant with God.
Secondly, I believe that obeying the ninth commandment that says one must not bear false witness against your neighbor is a natural consequence of the command to “love your neighbour as yourself”.
God hates lies, period. The Bible expressly states in Proverbs 6:16, 17, “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him; haughty eyes, a lying tongue…”
Elsewhere, we are told “Lying lips are an abomination unto the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight” (Proverbs 12:22), KJV.
Why do people lie? Some say lying is in our ‘sin-DNA’ and is noticeable when a child lies about not taking a cookie and s/he has a leftover piece firm in the hand. Some others lie when they are afraid of getting into trouble, or they think it will benefit them in some way. Alternatively, they do not like someone and want to smear their character, or they do not know the facts so they make up some as happens in this story.
“Seeing her poor neighbor become a millionaire overnight, Aling Nena, a woman in her 40s spread rumours that her next-door neighbor was a drug dealer. As a result, the authorities arrested her neighbour and underwent numerous investigations. Thankfully, she was able to prove her innocence. The next-door neighbor was not a drug dealer but the “only” beneficiary of her father’s will.
After her release, the next-door neighbour sued Aling Nena for slander or oral defamation for wrongly accusing her.
In court, Aling Nena told the magistrate, “They were just comments, it didn’t harm anyone.”
Then the magistrate answered, “Write all the things you said about her on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.”
The magistrate replied, “In like manner, simple comments may destroy the honour of a person to such an extent that one is not able to fix it. If you can’t speak well of someone, rather don’t say anything.” [1]
There are many different ways in which we can break God’s rule against false witnessing. If we teach or proclaim wrong things about God’s character, we are bearing false witness. If we gossip and backbite to destroy how someone views a person, we are bearing false witness. If we falsely judge others in order to feel better about ourselves, if we try to put someone else down just to raise up ourselves, we are in violation because the ninth commandment forbids anything that gets in the way of the truth or injures anyone’s reputation.”
God puts a high premium on truth. Scripture calls our Creator the “God of truth” because truthful speech and actions are particularly characteristic of Him (Isaiah 65:16). If we are to be imitators of Him, we must prize the truth as well (Ephesians 5:1). Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth about his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Christians must therefore love truth and avoid falsehoods. We will never get away with attempting to deceive others as God remembers all things.
Additionally, Jesus makes obedience to the rule against false testimony a requirement for eternal life. In his testimony to John on the Isle of Patmos, He said. “Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie Revelation 22:14.15).
Ultimately, if we do not prize truth as highly as the Lord does, we will lose eternal life for “A false witness will perish″ if he does not repent. Let us, therefore, aim for truth in all our speech and actions and be careful little tongue what you say ❤.
[1] https://thebeholderseyes.com/f/the-ninth-commandment
Life can be difficult at times. This is especially true now with public health restrictions in place, young children at home, unprotected from infections, and new remote work arrangements associated with a seemingly never-ending COVID-19 pandemic.
At other times, you work hard, try your best but things still do not work out as planned. You plan, prepare, think ahead — and yet, something unforeseen comes out of nowhere creating other obstacles you need to overcome. You keep your end of a business arrangement, work or church assignment but the other party/parties intentionally do not, causing you great loss and pain.
Maybe, you are trying for a job you really want, you have gone to interview after interview, and you cannot land it; or you are dating and after multiple relationships, you just cannot find lasting love. You have lost three pounds but that is far from the 25 you are hoping to lose. You have a book you want to write, a song you want to produce, a change to make – but no deal. You feel burdened, lose heart, and hit the giant wall known as discouragement.
Discouragement literally means “without courage.” It denotes a sense of failure; an inability to make something happen. You feel nothing good will ever happen to and for you. You feel sad, heavy, stuck – even hopeless at times. I am certain that this type of discouragement burdens all of us, and is one of the greatest killers of the human spirit. However, through whatever doubt and misery you are facing, you must remain open to new possibilities and quit projecting further failures. If you do not, your live could easily become joyless, directionless.
So, how do we regain courage and heart in the face of discouragement? How do we regain a sense of hopefulness? Here are a few useful tips:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6,7, NKJV).
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 15:13).
The 2020 Tokyo Olympics just ended, and what glorious performances have we seen from the athletes of all countries! From Simone Biles fighting through mental health challenges to win bronze on the balance beam to Alicia Abrams of Guyana giving it all her might in the 400 meters semi-finals and Caeleb Dressel coming away with a 5-gold medal haul in swimming. These athletes all showed up and competed valiantly and, in a sense, ‘won’ because they focused on what they could do versus what they could not.
What about you and me? As we face life’s challenges, we too need to focus on what we could do rather than what we cannot. Nothing good comes from spending time on things you do not have. Say, you have to work at home because of the pandemic. You hate it. Rather than expending time and energy on what you dislike – the distractions, lack of concentration, and loneliness at times, think about all that’s good about being able to work from home – no travel time and traffic jams; gas savings which means money in your pocket; being able to take a nap during the day – and give thanks.
Similarly, the pandemic has resulted in many restrictions on normal life day-to-day but there is a lot we can do like learning a new language, converting a hobby into a business venture, or becoming a DIY-ER to finish a project at home.
So start now with what you can do. Empty your language of the things you cannot do, are not able to do, or would not be allowed to do. If you are going to put your energy into living life successfully, it is better to focus on what truly matters. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived agrees: “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you” (Proverbs 4:25, NIV). If the heart represents the core of human desire, the eyes determine the direction and focus by which we pursue those desires. The Bible writer r appeals to us to keep our eyes on the path and not on the distractions that surround us. So Focus on what you can do and not on what you can’t.